Just a short blog before I go to bed.



1)







According to reuters, BMW drivers gets the chicks.



How cool is that?!



It seems pretty weird that the Porsche drivers don�t seem to be getting any. Come on, 1.4 times a week is paaaaaaaaathetic. At least if you drive a Pors.



Today, I went out with a guy friend of mine who drives a black BM (courtesy of daddy).



Me: BM drivers are supposed to get laid more often.



Him: Huh? I�m not getting any!



Me: That�s because the car�s not yours! Your dad�s stealing all your chicks.



Him: Do you feel horny now? (while in the car)



Hahaha. Speaking of cars, here�s a blonde joke.

Once there was a filthy rich man who is very miserly. He wanted someone to paint his big porch, but was only willing to fork out S$50.



He put up an ad asking for people to apply if they wanted the job.



The following day, there were, not surprising, no applicants. Except one. It�s a blonde.



�Are you sure u are up to the job?� asked the rich man. �You have to paint the whole porch u know!�



�Sure no problems dude!� said the confident blonde.



The man left the blonde to work while he went back into the house to enjoy some tea.



Half an hour later, the blonde rang the door bell.



�You are done already?� the rich man exclaimed. �How can that be? The porch is so big!�



�Yeah I�m done. And by the way. It�s not a porch, it�s a ferrari.�

Oh oh I just thought of one more.

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.



He's going through his usual run of stupid blond jokes, when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says:



"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humour."



Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up,

"You stay out of this. Mister, I'm talking to that little guy on your knee!"

Ha ha.



1) Recent activities.



Went to the Heineken Starbar event with Eileen, coz I covered it and we could get free Heineken. ;)



Here�s a blur picture of Chelsea Gibson jazzing the place up.















Now here�s my view of the band twenty minutes later.







There was this stupid women with super gross hair who kept standing right in front of me during the band�s performance.



There was plenty of space for her to move, but she seems bent on frisking my face with her wiry hair. I told her three time, no less, that she is standing too close for comfort and blocking my view, but she simply moved back. Urgh.



Speaking of Heineken, Eileen and I met this cute guy there.



Eileen�s like totally smitten with him, but I find�





His head is just so damn big.



It is so big, that people would notice it and comment that it�s big. We called him dua tao.



Here�s a big head joke, courtesy of Taiwan�s richest drunken driver Jacky Wu.



A: Why is Wu Zhong Xian late for his concert?

B: Because his head was stuck at the door.



Ok not funny.



So anyway, this dua tao guy is possibly pretty cute, but I just cannot get past the big head thing. Isn�t it damn funny? The thing is, you know u have a big head, you should have flat hair what. BUT NO! Hell that man is proud of his big head.



He has long hair spiked up!







He is the one in the middle.



I realise that he doesn�t look that big-headed in the pic.



Let me try to use photoshop to rectify that.







Alright it still doesn�t look very big.



Anyways! Eileen�s really interested in duatao (or she could be drunk), so if you know him, pass me his number or something.



And don�t tell him I said his head is big. Which is he, and he should know, but that�s not the point.



*



Just today, I watched Blood Brothers. GOOD SHOW!! Pretty much boring in the front, but a great twist at the end. 3 and a half stars. ;)







3) The Power of Association



And yes I realised that this blog entry is no longer short.



I was just thinking about this the other day.



You are who you are with.



How true is that?



Consider this:



You are a cashier at a supermarket.



A person buys a bottle of whipped cream







Now, this person buys the whipped cream with







and







YOU WILL ASSUME THE FELLOW IS BUYING THE WHIPPED CREAM FOR BAKING A FREAKING CAKE.















Now consider this:



The person buys the whipped cream.







Together with�







this.



Now consider the role of the whipped cream you assumed.



From an innocent backing item, it has effectively transformed into a sex toy!



Thus, is the power of association.



(p/s: Ardent blogders would know that some time ago I tried to get into the �act rich� image (which cannot work if I am a reporter). I think I did not succeed because my friends are not interested to act rich with me, ha ha.)



If image is important to you� then careful who you are seen with.







4) A Great Analogy



Got this from an email from blogder Steven:

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.



Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.



As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.



After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, anytime when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.



Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs.



To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.



Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.



The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.



Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.



Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.



After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.



Why not?



Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

The analogy has been used on company policies in the email, but I feel it could be used for religion as well, or any other thing that involves blind faith. Blind faith is STUPID. Why do people not question?



I do not mean to be offensive here, but remind me again what�s the problem with eating pork? Yes, it was dirty in the past. Now it�s not. AND DOGS ARE NOT DIRTY. =(



Alrighty I will get hatemail for this.

It�s a Monday again, SOON.



For the past few months or so, every Monday meant the same thing to me: Two freaking Dreamd8 contestant gets eliminated.



Alrighty, here are my predictions for who will win.



Since TODAY seems uninterested to do an article on dreamd8, I shall conduct an interview with myself, ala newspaper style.



*****

Marketing, it�s all marketing





The last eight contestants of Mydreamd8 fight tooth and nail for US$5,000.



FOR the last eight contestants of internet �moblog� contest Mydreamd8, it must be a tantalizing moment.

Come Monday morning, we would see one lucky male contestant and one lucky female contestant walk away US$5,000 richer. The remaining 6 contestants are not too far back though, at least they won a cruise abroad Superstar Virgo, a proud sponsor of the first of its kind blogging reality show.

The contest has Singtel spend huge amounts urging the public to vote for the contestants via 1900 calls or sms, but with rather futile efforts.

For the most popular contestant, there are but 301 unique voters � a far way off from what Singtel has compared the reality contest to � American Idol.

For CoffeeBiatchBoi, another one of the last 8 remaining contestants, a mere 6 unique voters are all that he has got.

One cannot mistaken that the amount of voters would necessarily represent a winning contestant though, for the amount of times each voter can vote is unlimited.

For example, another contestant, PixiePosh, has as little as 60 voters as compared to fellow contestant Xiaxue � who had 200, the week Xiaxue was ousted.

�I believe there is some foul play,� said Xiaxue, a look of disdain on her face. �I think that some of the contestants are voting themselves shamelessly, and voting others OUT as well.�

Xiaxue�s unminced words earned the wrath of PixiePosh, who wrote a memorable blog entry insulting Xiaxue, which has been taken off the site since.

Such was how exciting the contest was if you manage to wade through the grammatically-torturing words (some of) the contestants wrote (and plagiarised), but yet, it seems that the attention it got was merely lukewarm.

Perhaps the reason could be accounted to the fact that internet matters just cannot be advertised via traditional mediums. What are the chances, after seeing an ad on TV mobile, you would go home to check out the website?

While the contest may not have won immense public popularity nor attention (nor returns, for that matter), it has certainly fulfilled Singtel�s marketing ploy to appear to cater to the youth market and attract more adolescent users.

Another purpose of the contest was to bridge the ties between Singtel and its fat-walleted subsidiary, Optus.



Here we have with us one of the finalists, Xiaxue, to tell us who she predicts will be the winner.



Journalist Wendy:

Hi Xiaxue! You look pretty shitty in real life.



Xiaxue:

Yeah, ha ha� I�m good at photoshop.



JW:

Cut the crap, who do you predict will win?



Xiaxue:

I say, Guy23 and Leese.



JW:

Why so? Leese has 25 voters while Janice has 301!



Xiaxue:

May I quote Asia Times. If one bothers to read the newspapers, it is stated that Singtel has made a loss this year. However, it has still managed to gain an overall profit, because its subsidiary Optus is doing very well. So well, that in fact, it managed to cover up the loss.



Such is how much Singtel would treasure its relationships with Optus. Mydreamd8 is but one method to bring the relationship one step further.



The Aussie side of the contest seems pretty unhappy that their sms fees are higher, and it is less advertised in Australia.



If Singtel were to let their both winners come from Singapore, I predict that Optus would be really unhappy.



JW:

No�! You are not saying� the results are rigged?



Xiaxue:

Hey, what makes you say that? Leese could have each of her25 voters spend $1,000 each.



However, there is a problem here. The cruise abroad Superstar Virgo comes as a much better prize to the Aussies than the Singaporeans. You see, they come with a free air ticket to get to SG.



I suspect that the aussies, seeing that the fees are higher and such, could have given up the idea of winning (ie by voting for themselves), and be content that they can come to Singapore free!



If Leese�s result is such a far way off from Janice�s, then Singtel would have to let Janice win, or face the wrath of 301 people.



In any case, Singtel has their asses covered. The judges� decisions are final, babe.



JW:



How about PixiePosh? She seems to be boring and unpopular yet managed to go to this stage. If, as you said, she is voting for herself, then surely she will go all the way at this final stage? If the results are not rigged, I mean.



Xiaxue:



Well, being the 3rd prize winner of Miss Vasantham, Posh is $3,000 richer. The amount she spent voting for herself is thus negligible.



If she is smart, which she isn�t, she should consider these facts:



1) Singtel would not want a person who is so crude and disliked by so many (and liked by so little) to be their ambassador. Think Janice. Now think Posh. Who looks like a better girl to represent Singtel? Someone with an ugly tattoo on her ankle, or someone sweet and totally lovable with a sunshiny smile? Posh�s entry on me has received bad feedback from the audience. Her uncivilised manner is definitely NOT what Singtel is looking for.





2) Posh plagiarised her various works on an official Singtel site. This is a big mistake. Not disqualifying her is kindness on Singtel�s part. Letting her win is ridiculous.



3) Posh is far less popular than Janice.



4) Posh cannot write for NUTS. If she represents what good blogging should be, everyone in the blogging community would laugh their asses off.



Now, considering all the above facts, a smart Posh would stop voting for herself (WAKE UP! Singtel would NOT let u win!) and save the money to get rid of that hideous thing on her ankle.



JW:

Wow, you seem to hate her.



Xiaxue:

She is a cheater, there is no reason for me not to.



JW:

For the guys side?



Xiaxue:

I support Junadi and I hope he wins, for he is the only guy who can string a bunch of words together well enough for quality reading. Actually Spunky�s not bad too. However, I suspect that Junadi is too honest to vote for himself. Definitely not getting him anywhere.



JW:

Thank you Xiaxue for your time!



Xiaxue:

You are welcome. I loved you article on Alicia Calaway, by the way.



JW:

Oh. Look out for my Eye For a Guy one out tomorrow.

Well well well. Who will it be? Find out, tomorrow at 8am. Don't need to hold your breath. =D

Just came back from Zouk feeling a little less than happy. I really wanna complain.



Alright. What totally spoilt my day at Zouk is this Indian girl called Mala.



Now, maybe 2 years ago, I knew Mala because she was the VIP banquet server in Pan Pacific Hotel. Unlike the other teens working there, however, it seems that Mala is working there full-time.



That�s not the point of course. If she decides she wants to be a waitress for life, that�s her business. I did not talk much to her during my short working days there.



However, I saw Mala today in Zouk. Coincidentally, she is within Eileen�s group of friends, the frequent Zouk-goers.



Several months ago, I saw her, and I was shocked to see that she knows Eileen.



And then Eileen has this guy friend. Let�s call him�. Silverballs.



Today Eileen stood near the DJ console to dance as she usually would, and Mala was there as well.



When I arrived there with Silverballs and Eileen, she was grabbing everyone to kiss on the cheek.



She tried to kiss me as well but I siam-ed. SIAO AH. Who knows whether her fucking lips got warts growing. I don�t want her dirty lips anywhere near me.



Now Mala, out of nowhere, managed to grab this pretty cute Jap looking guy, and started to dance violently with him. When I say violently, I actually mean violently sexually.



This was the position they were in:







I DON�T UNDERSTAND!!!!



1) Why must the disgusting duo face the crowd? Who wants to see them screw when Mala is like fuck-ugly? I mean, she is not really ugly-ugly la, but she is ramrod skinny and has no sexual appeal whatsoever.



I fucking HATE people who stand right in front of the DJ console and dance for the rest of the world to see. Hello??! When you go into a crowded elevator do you go stand and face everyone?? No right? Then don�t do it in a club as well! No one wants to see your fucking face and fucking �sexy� moves, thanks.



Anyway, my point is that Mala is obviously just trying to gain attention.

Digressing, the jappy guy doesn�t have blonde hair but I just had fun making him look like Johnny Bravo.





2) When the jappy looking guy was holding her waist, Mala did the utimate slut thing. She moved his fingers to grab around her groin! while she continued to grind her butt on his obviously erect member. As long as she gets touched, she would do anything. Anything at all.



HELLO??! We are in a public place CAN??! MY GOD. No one wants to see him digging her dripping wet cheebye, seriously.



May I add, Mala is ugly.



Oh yeah he was happily touching her boobs as well. Which are quite non-existent, so its not so bad.





3) When she was dancing so intimately with the jappy guy, Silverballs came back to rejoin the group, and had to walk past Mala to get to Eileen and I.



Now, note that Mala was still happily grinding herself against the fellow with his fingers� cupping her ******* and her hands entwined around his neck.



When Silverballs walked past, Mala went to grab him around the waist. Literally just GRAB HIM, like he was a tree trunk trying to run away.



Caught in a shock, Silverballs attempted to dance with Mala, his back facing her.



Mala was doing the humping action to his butt, and her hands, oh my gosh. Can you believe it, her hands were like groping around his chest� AND MOVED DOWN TO TOUCH HIS DICK!



My goodness. I almost died. Slutometer just burst.



Now, can you imagine it if you were the other guy?? The jappy guy was suddenly neglected coz Mala�s paws were freed from his body to go molest Silverballs.



If it were me, and a girl throws herself at me like that, I might take it.



However, if she is throwing herself to ALL the other guys, then no thanks. YUCK! She touched Silverballs� balls and then come back and fondle my neck with the same hands? HELL NO! The hands are filthy!



4) Why are men so easy?



The jappy guy, instead of telling Mala she is disgusting, decided to forgive her.



Silverballs managed to free himself from her claws, so she had no choice but to grab the jappy guy back while he was walking away.



The jappy guy continued to dance with her, this time, face to face.



I don�t get it. Why are men so easy? How come you people can fuck such sluts?



Think about this:



While you kiss a slut, you are kissing a mouth which has plenty of other men�s CUM IN IT. How cool is that? You are literally drinking another guy�s cum! Yaaay! If you are lucky, u might even find a pubic hair stuck between her teeth.



When you fuck a slut, your dick is using something with so many people have used before.



Just imagine. Would you use a toothbrush which a million other UNKNOWN people have used before? Yuck. Hell no.



Great! Now, stick the most sensitive part of your body into a loose hole which might be still lubricated from her last fuck. Congrats! I hope you get herpes!



The diseases! The cauliflower-like growths! Yikes!





5) Mala�s behaviour REALLY irks me, because to a certain extent it affects what men think of women.



Yes, I know. Women are horny too.



I have two answers to that:

a) Self-control. I totally DISRESPECT people who no self-control. You are no better than an ape if you cannot control urges.

b) Vibrator. There is no need to cheapen yourself like that.

Mala is a total embarrassment to the female population. By behaving in this salacious and wanton manner in a very public area, she is telling men that girls are just horny creatures who totally obey to men once they get us wet.



With girls like her, it is no wonder men treat us like sex toys and do not give women due respect.



For example:



Female boss, to male worker: Hey Joe, go print this, and don�t even be late again, or I�ll fire you.



Male worker, thinking: If I make her wet only ah, she will so totally listen to me and moan like don�t know what. Ha ha ha ha



Newflash! NOT TRUE!



But does Mala care? NO! Coz she is not ever gonna be a female boss!



In any case, I understand that some people have no qualms about flirting because boiling it down to human nature, it is only natural to get sexually attracted to the opposite sex.



I say, the smart way to work that out, would be to do it in private. Why let everyone see you being a slut? How�s it ever going to affect you positively?? Besides, it is OFFENSIVE to see ugly people getting it on. Yuck. Keep that to yourself please.



6) Disclaimer.



I don�t give a shit about whether you know Mala or you think that I am mean because I said her name.



Well, I�m merely reporting what I saw that day. If you ask Mala, I believe she would tell you the exact same sequence of events I told you.



If she dares to do it so openly, then dare to accept criticism.



7) The image of that guy holding on to her cheebye cannot get outta my head, and I am still feeling very pissed.



*****



Shall go sleep now. Nights, more blogging tml.

Alright alright. Finally, my birthday blog. It is indeed saddening that the blog would be nothing really interesting.

Warning here though: FUCKING LONG BLOG. This time, it�s filled with a super load of pictures.

I spent the major part of my birthday interviewing Kit Chan in the East Meets West Press Conference, and after that, doing up a Heineken Starbar article. How very disgusting. Thankfully enough for me, I�m perhaps a slow writer by my editor�s standards, so he booted me out from my chair (very unceremoniously) and commenced with my article halfway in a lightning speed. * grin * Ha ha. I was pretty happy to have it credited to my name (and have it majorly written by my editor), and then I later realized that there is no byline.

Kannina.

Anyway, here are the presents that I�ve got!

Miki and Diana

These two great girls are my coursemates whom I didn�t really get to know in SP. Now, they are my colleagues in MediaCorp Press!!! And they are great girls!!! Thanks for making life working so interesting u two!



Alrighty, they bought me this super nice strawberry cake, and being the glutton I am, I didn�t realize I should take a picture before the cake� well� went on its way to my tummy. Oh dammit.

Thanks anyway Neoneo and Mei Zhenzhen! (*private joke)

Scandalous Shuyin, who isn�t so scandalous nowadays as she is birdy (she working at the Bird Park, ha ha)



What could it be??!



Wow!!! Very nice, thank you!!

Ivan & Clara

Ok this dude and babe have award-winning moles and boobs respectively, and they bought me an irrelevant present.



No doubt bought by Clara.

On first glance, it seems a lubricant of some sort for gay boys to go straight again (watch all the porn surfers come in).

But hell no! It�s for straightening hair!!

I do not want straight hair!!

Nonetheless, I tried to use the thing on my curls, and holy shit it works! My goodness the irony. Actually I was thinking� If it doesn�t work, I would apply it on my pubes just to prove that it CANNOT straighten all sorts of hair. KIDDING. KIDDING KIDDING. Get it? I�m kidding.

WTF? From Eric Goh??!



Ok this is the guy who sent me hate mail if you bother to read a few days ago. Very smartly, or maybe not, he managed to find a way to get a birthday present to me � via my office.



Well done, Eric.

I must say. I get lots of fan mail, I don�t notice them much, especially if it�s from guys trying to hit on me. But hate mail! Ah! That got my attention!

A refreshing way to go about it I guess. (But hey guys, it didn�t work out so don�t send me hate mail, bleah.) Anyway, thanks so much for the flowers Eric, I love them. Except I don�t like yellow stuff. Pink, remember?! Pink!

From Sun??!



Alright another blogder who sent me a present via my office. He has been sending me very irritating smses.



I hate you, Sun! Urrrgh!

Chester

The generous host of pictures on this site composed a birthday song for me!! My gosh I so have a weak spot for guys playing the piano!! Click here to listen to it. I am so mesmerized!

*****


Eileen and I at the Esplanade!



I cannot stand it!! My photoshop skills are damn good!!! Am I fabulous or what!

Just to show you how good they are, I shall put more photos. Kidding. I am just an attention-seeking whore.




Actually I�m really good.
I�ve just got better, because I discovered this little function in Photoshop called �curves�. It�s as alluring as it sounds. Together with �variations�, look what it can do:



How cool is that?!

One more:



Ok one more:



Alright last one:



Last two pictures aren't that clear coz they were taken in dark conditions.

*****

Mydreamd8 is actually a fabulous contest.

It has brought me many friends and I had a great time and a great experience.

OH WHO AM I KIDDING. I got to know a few disgusting people from there. Yucks. But that�s not the point! The point is, mydreamd8 is a fabulous contest!

Now, the contestants have all been given a few FREE things.

1) A new nokia phone with camera functions.
2) A sim card (my god, this is gold). I know what u are thinking. Use it to vote right. The Singtel people thought of it too, so its barred from 221200, and 1900 calls, (not so)smartass.
3) 3 months FREE broadband subscription
4) Free dreamd8 tee which sucks
5) A WEBCAM!!!

My point is about the webcam. Very stupidly, I did not even try to install it till yesterday, when I realized how fun webcams can be.

Look, here are some UNEDITED pictures!!!





My goodness I think the webcam secretly reads my blog and loves me. If not, why do I look so bloody good there?! Much better than in real life actually. Oh yeah I forgot to mention this point. From now on, I shall ASSUME THAT EVERYONE READS MY BLOG AND LOVES IT.

See that dog staring at me over that? Must be a blogder. =D Hey that car didn�t knock me down! He is waiting for me to go home and blog.

I digress. Back to the point of webcams.

I was just thinking I don�t mind putting up a webcam function in my blog. I see your eyes giving the �SLUT, I KNEW IT!� look. No la, nothing sexual. Just a cam for u guys to see me while I blog!!! WAHAHHAHAA. As if it is anything interesting.

I have NO idea how to do this though. And I refuse to approach webcam-whores to ask them for help.

What do u guys think of this idea? Would u like a webcam on my blog? I would need hosting though! Anyone which ample technical knowledge and bandwidth can email me, thanks!!


*****

I need SUGGESTIONS.

Desperately.

Now, this stupid site has been attracting a lot of porn surfers in. I refuse! It�s only �almost� porn, why are they buzzing in like bees!! I don�t want bian tais reading my blog!! Wanking to my edited pictures (Yes, congrats Meng Seng (sounds like a wanker�s name), this girl u are looking at does not exist.)

When people find your page because they have black menstrual blood, you know something is seriously wrong.

Thus, I need to change my blog�s title.

Now, a blog�s title is very important. It will be the blog�s make, or fall.

I don�t wanna go back to the cheesy �the world thru my eyes�, because it sounds cheesy. Seriously, nothing can sound cheesier. I don�t know how I came up with that title.

How about A Shu Nu's blog? It would be cool to see stupid men come in and then go like, �Wei she mo zhe yang!! Where is my shu nu!! This is a bitch!! Oh no anything but bitchs!�

Yes I think I shall change it to that. Besides, the stupid picture of my in the pink blouse looks pretty shu nu, doesn�t it? Don�t sneer. I am actually a shu nu at heart. I love cooking and cleaning up my room. JUST KIDDING.

Or maybe I could call it� An Elite Model�s Private Diaries. Now, of course I am nowhere near being an Elite Model, but it would be fun to get people to say I am tall for a change. I would start every entry with �Dear Diary, today I went for casting again, I am so excited. Saw Rebecca and Denise.

JUST KIDDING actually I watched Van Helsing. (Which brings me to the next topic)

(Whatever la. I think, I shall just term it: THE ORIGINAL XIAXUE.BLOGSPOT.COM)

*****

Van Helsing

The movie is possibly worth 3 and a half stars in 5.

The movie is hot because:

1) Hugh Jackman (is it spelt this way?!) is hot. May I repeat. He is FUCKING HOT. At the end of the show, he was holding on to a limp Kate beckington (I have no idea how to spell her name and I don�t care) very tightly with only a black cloth around this groin.

Now, not only do we get to see a full 5 minutes of him half-naked, we get to see him hug Kate in a very sexually appetizing manner. The position is reminiscent of a certain Kama sutra one � but lets not go into details. Oh, those arms�.

2) The female vampires are hot. Now, if you read yesterday�s TODAY, you would have seen a pic of the female vampire. They look hideous with no nipples, white boobs, and wrinkly skin.

BULLSHIT. They transform into nice ladies when they wanna talk to you. The costumes are great (lotsa boobs showing), and they look absolutely delicious. But their eggs�. Another matter altogether.

3) Count Dracula is damn funny.
The man speaks in a funny Italian like accent.

Hugh: If I want to kill your offspring I must first kill you.
Dracula: That�s CORRECT! (In the same tone u would find a host of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire say.)

And he is pretty cute to boot, amidst a bit old.

4) The Kate girl is not bad looking, but did not show any boobs, dammit. One wet scene, but corset does not give wet tee effect, ala Spiderman.

6) Kate�s brother in the show is fuck-cute, but I don�t know who he is.

However, I feel that several things should be changed in the show.

For example, Kate lost her brother, so she was the only one in her accursed family left surviving. Later on she died. Oops. Spoiler. Anyway, pretend u didn�t read that.

So, in order for Kate to keep her family line, I feel she should have fucked either Van Helsing or�. Frankenstein.

I know, I know. It�s difficult to have sex when vampires are trying to kill you everyday. Thus, it is time to consider who is the better fighter, Van, or Frank (rhyme not intended).

Considering Frank is slow-moving and quite stupid, Van is possibly a safe bet to fight the vampires.

The secret method would be to hide in a room and have sex with Frank while Van keeps a safe guard. Yes, Frankenstein may not look very good, but here are a few reasons why he is fuckable.

1) He has screws on him so he can officially say, �I so wanna screw you!� and takes out a screw to drill into your ear. You can then proclaim that he has a loose screw. He can then reply by asking u to shut up, or he would shove his nuts (and bolts) into your mouth.

2) Assuming that Frankenstein has everything made bigger, then he should be pretty well-endowed.

3) Sex will possibly cure Frankenstein�s inferiority complex and his constant irritating thoughts that humans are all out to kill him. If its good sex he had, he would be like, Whoop! I had sex! I am attractive humans love me!!! Therefore, I shall be nicer to Van!

4) Assuming that the kid inherited Dad�s muscle bulk and Mum�s nice skin and hair, he would be quite the jock in high school. Let�s not think of it the other way round.

Alright. I am talking crap.

*****

One last thing. I just saw the Becks and Posh show, and I think that Beckham is an ABSOLUTE DUMBASS. He is so fucking slow, I almost aged 50 years watching the show. Yes he is cute, and he is a good goal-keeper (is he a goal keeper?), but u cannot deny he is fuck-stupid.

The dude does not know how to answer questions properly, and does not understand Victoria�s jokes although they are pretty funny.

I used to think Posh didn�t deserve Becks, but now I don�t understand why she can marry such a dumbass. Must be the golden pubes. Wait, you don�t marry people just because of golden pubes. Must be good sex then.

Whatever it is, David Beckham is officially outta my top 15 shaggable men list.

His position, shall be replaced by...............










FRANKENSTEIN.

Joking la.


I choose Hugh Jackman�s character Leopold in Kate & Leopold. Isn�t that so suave? My god, they don�t make men like that nowadays. =)

SASSER VICTIMS LISTEN UP!



I've been getting tons of emails from all of you on how to get rid of sasser.



Now, understand please. I am but a weak recovering victim of the virus and I don't know how my doctor (Dr. Darius) managed to combat it although I helped in some clicking and rebooting.



In any case, if you got the virus, fuck off and stop bothering me, its your own business.



KIDDING.



Of course I'd help. Here are some instructions, courtesy of the aforementioned wonderful and generous Darius.



*****



1) Download Stinger.exe from http://vil.nai.com/vil/stinger/



2) Run the program



3) Update your anti-virus program and do a system scan.



If you don't have one, u can download Avast!'s home version. Please note. Avast! is with the exclamation mark, so pronounce it as you would Kung! bushmen.



Let me praise Avast! (note the enthusiasm because of the '!'). Not only does it allow u to change skins for a stupid virus software, it is FREE, and updates by itself.



The cool thing is, it has this sexy female voice warning u when u have a virus, complete with a radar sign spinning, as if your computer is important to them.



While it may not be funny (or remotely sexy) to hear that voice, the screen automatically tells you what to do as if all of its clients are tech-idiot paranoid females.



It starts off by saying something like "Avast! (note the !) has detected a virus on your computer.However, there is no reason to panic.Your best friend Avast! will do all ur shitwork for you." Actually it doesn't say that, but it's something along the lines. I almost wish I got another virus to witness that again. No, ok, not really.



Avast! will help u to rid get of the virus completely when u do a scan. BTW, I think Avast!'s spinning blue logo is relatively cute. Would be perfect if Avast! develops a pink skin as well.



4) Activate the firewall by going to Start-> Control Panel -> Network connections. Right click on the connection you are using and go to properties. Click on the advance tab and tick the firewall option.



5) Update your windows using the window update command. If your windows CD is chionged thus u cannot update.... Congratulations, and celebrations!! I don't have the software to send u, I suggest u kill urself or u format ur PC - and don't stupidly use back the same CD.



*****



In any case if you did not manage to get your com connected to the internet or something (then I have no idea how you managed to get into my blog site, and if you only managed to get into one site its my site I do feel pretty honoured about it, but never mind that), you must go to task manager and stop the process avserve.exe or avserve2.exe first.



Accursed virus. You will kill it with perseverance!!! I wish you... Best of LUCK.

Updates: Freaking com is healthy once again!



Look at the freaking time now!!! Its 3.43am!!! WTF.



Sasser (also known as Gaobot), nachi.B (sissy name for a virus if you ask me. What next, nachi C??! Is it some Japanese lozenges?), and a stupid trojan, no less - all in my computer.



After a 4-hour long combat with the new sasser.exe virus, it is FINALLY GONE. I have to give an honourary mention to blogder Darius, who was patiently on the phone with me to guide me through the process despite me sounding very pissed and rather madly-incoherent during this time frame.



Very nice of him huh?!!!!



I FEEL TRIUMPANT! Yaaay! You think u can fight me huh, sasser, huh?? eh, eh?! You are but a puny thing that cannot get my champion computer down! Let's face it. You can never fight Gates!!! He made a patch to counter u in a jiffy! Loser virus!!! LOSER!!! Variation of MsBlast huh?? NOT EVEN ORIGINAL!



YOU LOSE, SASSER! Wendy=1, sasser=0! What kinda faggot name is sasser anyway? Huh? Korean?! LOSER! *PUI* Nanny nanny poo poo!



Pardon me if I sound mad for talking to a virus.



No birthday blogging for you till tomorrow. Be grateful that my com is up and running. On a side note... If you have a spare com to bestow upon me, please feel free to mail me. However, if as a practical prank you give me a com with the sasser virus, I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU. IT IS NOT FUNNY.



I shall go sleep. Oh yeah I had a dream about Tay Ping Hui. It was a really nice dream, shall tell you guys tml!!



Nights, and I hope you didn't kanna the sasser virus. Please go update ur windows now if you are a PC user!

Updates:



Yaaay!!! Angela is fine!!! Everyone say, "Pheeeeeeeeeew..."



Meanwhile someone else is on the verge of death: Me.







There's a new virus called Sasser.exe. The virus is SUPER JIAN (jian4=whore-like tendencies). It is so jian, that it blocks you from entering major anti-virus sites to use feeble futile attempts save your ass. For example, in my cyberworld, windowsupdates.com and sophos.com DOES NOT EXIST.



No fucking shit.



They will come back. I am sure. No blogging for you till I get rid of them completely. On a side note, thanks so everyone of you who sent me mail trying to help!!! Thanks so much. And of course to our com expert Darius for sending me Stinger.



p/s: Yes yes I know by now its called a yu2 jiao3, ha ha. Stop sending me emails about that already! =D